#7: Elf Jeff & the curse of his innovations

Well, yes, the pandemic changed the way we do things. But luckily, the essence of what we do has always been social distance oriented. We learnt our lessons during the last pandemic. And we don't easily forget those things. But we've always innovated. I mean, the first innovation was electrifying Rudolph's nose. And me wearing what you'd now call high-vis. That was a key feature for Mrs Claus. Those innovations were early on. And more recently, we've had to outsource the distribution centres and diversified that infrastructure. But to be honest, the relationship with some of the past elfs is getting strained. Elf Jeff is certainly testing things. He's always been one to be innovative. A lot of his first suggestions were well-received. It was amazing to see how quickly he forgot where he came from. It really was. What really strained the relationship was his suggestion to pay the other elfs below minimum wage. Elfs need to live, they need to support their families. But Elf Jeff just didn't see it that way. So, when he managed the distribution centres beyond the North Pole, he needed to employ people. The one thing we agreed upon was that he'd keep the partnership agreement between us secret. I didn't think it would stay secret. I mean, does anyone not look more elfish than Jeff?

He just doesn't know how to quit. He's researched faster sleigh technology, but I keep telling him I enjoy the one night a year when I get out. It's a holiday for me. I mean, yes, it's a lot of work. And the coordination of remembering all the good kids is hard, but the old noggin keeps it all in place. Oh, there was that first year when Elf Jeff first introduced Alexa to the sleigh. My god, was that a mistake. It assisted me, but she got me muddled. There were a bunch of commands I needed to remember, but instead of remembering them, I remembered which kids had been good and which had not. And boy, did Alexa not like me not listening to her. She kept suggesting things I ignored. I've been doing this long enough that I don't need a co-pilot. I know how long I can spend at each house and how much milk to drink and how many bites of cookies I need to eat. And I bloody well know which present goes to which kid.

It’s not that I am a traditionalist, which I am, but what is important to note is that I get the job done, and have been getting the job done ever since. I don't mind that Jeff and his whole shebang helps, but it was only ever meant to cover the area that wasn't strictly my domain, the presents to friends, and kris kringle. I'm purely the good kids get presents part. And all delivered in one night with reindeer. I will not go up in a rocket just so that Mrs Claus can have me home in time for her famous ei brødskive.

[I didn’t realise that The Age don’t publish an Odd Spot on Sundays, so I went back to the week before. Moving forward, I will also not write on Sundays, which means I can focus on the newsletter.]