#188: FFS

He couldn’t put the hurt into words. It just gnawed at him. At the absence. And because there weren’t words, there was nothing to say. So he stayed in bed, cradling the emptiness.

The worst part wasn’t the loss, it was that no one understood.

Grace, especially Grace, expected him to just move on as if it were any old day. But it wasn’t.

Yes, Tiggy had been just a dog, but she saved him when he needed it most. There had been days before when he didn’t see a reason to live and had thought about ending it all.

And then there were the days with Tiggy. He still felt down and despondent about everything, but those walks in the early morning before most people had woken that smoothed out the rough edges, making it all bearable.

And now, Peter feared he’d start thinking about killing himself all over again, only this time, the guilt of leaving his wife and kids would make the pain even worse.

The sound of Grace’s keys jingling closer to the bedroom forced him to drag the covers up and over his face.

She saw it and couldn’t help herself mutter, “for fuck’s sake.”